Make Mine Mike

Pinch me.

Not because I'm dreaming. It's because I forgot to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. I have three changes of clothes with me, and I don't think there's any jade, olive or kerry in the whole wardrobe.

Why do I have so much clothes, you ask? Well, since I didn't feel like doing anything yesterday, I'm doing it all today.

I got up at 5:30AM, and grabbed briefcase and my two gymbags of clothes – one has my work attire, the other my running gear. I left the house in a T-shirt and shorts, and got to the Starbucks by 6:15. I read a little (Da Vinci Code – very good so far) as I waited for my Red Eye to kick in. (That's a large coffee with a few shots of espresso in it. Since they don't sell nitroglycerin to get my heart started, it's the next best thing.) Then I got some good writing done (love my new laptop) for an hour and a half, and only quit because I had to feed the meter at 8AM (not to mention go to the bathroom by then). So I swung over to the gym, and pumped some iron for an hour. (They played that '80s song "AEIOU Sometimes Y" on the stereo. Remember that one?) Then I showered and changed into my greenless garb and took off to work.

Then I do some mindless sheeite for 8 hours or so… I'm supposed to be sending out some agreement, but I'm writing this instead. Whatta slacker.

Tonight, I'll rush back to Santa Monica, changing in the car during the traffic stops. (When the lights turn green, my clothes still won't be.) Then I'll join the group from Niketown and do a 5 mile run. I'll try to keep up with the 8-minute mile crew, but the pace leaders will probably get us back in like 37 minutes. I would explain some simple multiplication to them, that 5 times 8 doesn't equal… ahh, forget it. I'm too out of breath to say anything.

They do these runs on Wednesdays at Yankee Doodles where they have some snacky bar food and free drinks. So I'll probably get a head start on St. Patty's boozing there, before meeting up with some friends. (I'll probably change back into my work clothes, if I don't get to go home and shower again. So yes, I'll be stinking even before I'm stinking drunk.) Throwing back a few after a run is great, because the alcohol hits me hard and early, rather than just slog in my cells and slur my speech all night.

But still, I’m expecting to get very tired very quickly. People wonder why I'm so exhausted – I do this kind of regiment several days a week. That's why I walk around like a zombie half the time. (But not the flesh-eating zombies in the new "Dawn of the Dead" – I saw that the other night. Scary stuff, man!)

So if you see me this St. Patrick's Day, feel free to punish me for my lack of Irish attire.

Please, pinch me. I need to stay awake.