Friday, July 30, 2004

All points bulletin:

Internet search engines are on the alert for a wise-ass site-runner, known for inane anecdotes and graphitizing his blog with corny cartoons. He is expected to be missing in the very near future. Suspect goes by many aliases -- Michael, Mike, Big Papa, Daddy-O, Hey Schmuck... but is not wanted (repeat: NOT suspected) for blog identity theft, in his absence or otherwise, despite rumor tendencies.

Last known whereabouts: Coffee shops throughout Greater S. California, and the mundane dictatorship of Cubeskistan. Also seen running past the tattoo parlors at Venice Beach or sitting at freeway underpasses – when stuck in traffic and cursing out other drivers.

Subject is suspected to be fleeing the continental U.S. for the Virgin Islands. He may emerge from St. Croix eventually, or even sooner in Cyberspace. Besides caffeine, the perpetrator is known for his addiction to blogging.

If you come across this man, feel free to shake his hand, give him a warm hug, but under no circumstances give him any grief. Trying to apprehend him will only make him apprehensive. Suspect is armed with cynicism and dangerously in need of vacation.

Experts believe that as this 30s male Caucasian attempts to make his white self less white... he will be reading, relaxing, consuming massive amounts of mai-tais... and missing his blogger buddies.


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