Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Vegas is calling me – I haven’t been away for so long (over 6 months now) since before the Aladdin existed or Will Smith blew a bundle at Sin City. It’s not that I’m a heavy gambler; I usually win or lose a couple hundred and call it quits. But I find games of chance fascinating, or more specifically, the way they make previously semi-normal people into slot-jockeying-card-counting-poker-facing-blackjacking junkies.
My favorite game is craps – nothing better than being king of the table with dem bones in your hands. The game moves fast, and if you saw me, you’d think Mikey’s one cool crapper -- cold as dice -- but actually I'm getting into a big internal debate over what to do on every roll.
My heart will tell me to double up on my odds bet, but my brain will say that considering how many times I've made the point, I’m most likely going to seven out any second now. Then the heart will say to stop thinking that way, dammit. That’s how you jinx everything.
And the brain will say “Just thinking it doesn’t make it happen.”
“Spare me the logic, Mr. Spock. We gotta add some chips to that pile.”
“Don’t murmur that bullshit to me. The odds are 2 to 1 that you won't get a 4 or 10 before--”
“Stop saying that! What’s the gray matter with you?! Look, trust me, you gotta go with your gut on these things.”
Gut: Hey, hey, leave me outta this.
Brain: Ahh, you’re both idiots.
Heart: Yeah, keep talking. I’ll cut you off, turn you from Einstein to Forrest Gump.
Brain: Bring it on, blood-boy. You wanna play Finding Hemo with me? I’ll go Medula Oblongata on your aortic ass.
Gut: C’mon you guys…. You’re getting me all upset here……
“Hey, check out the cocktail waitresses. I like those skimpy outfits.”
Heart: Who said that?
Gut: Oh, it’s Mr. Bigshot downstairs.
Heart: That guy again? Doesn’t he ever shut up? All he does is get us in trouble.
Gut: It’s your fault. You feed into him. He gets a swollen head, starts bossing us around. Just don't listen.
Heart: Fine. So, brainiac, you gonna double on this bet or what?
Brain: Er-ror. System override. Must. Go. To. Stripclub.