Make Mine Mike

Conversation at the pitcher's mound at Fenway Park between Yankees Manager Joe Torre, team captain and shortstop Derek Jeter, and star relief man Mariano Rivera:

Torre: Okay, guys, let’s do just like we did last night.
Jeter: Uh, Mr. Torre, we lost last night.
Rivera: He means give it our all.
Torre: No, I mean let’s let the Red Sox tie it up like last night. Mo, I want you to blow this save.
Rivera: Blow a save? But I almost never blow a save.
Torre: And the Sox almost never beat us for the pennant, but we gotta let ‘em have hope.
Jeter: Now I’m confused. Joe—
Torre: What’d you call me?!
Jeter: Mr. Torre. Sorry. We have a one-run lead. Mo can put these bums away and we can rest up for the World Series.
Torre: Who cares about the World Series? So we play Houston or St. Louis. Big whoop. If we lose to them, so what? But we can’t lose to the Red Sox.
Jeter: Exactly. So--
Torre: Are you forgetting about that guy Mike?
Jeter: Oh, yeah... the Yankees fan who lives in L.A.!
Rivera: Right. I remember that guy. From last year when we went to game 7 in the playoffs against the Red Sox.
Jeter: And we kept going into extra innings...
Rivera; And that poor schmo nearly had a heart attack with every pitch.
Jeter: It’s ridiculous. I mean, why does he care? He laughs at people who watch soap operas or reality TV. "What’s in it for them?", he always wonders. Well, what’s in it for Mike? He doesn’t get a bonus like we do if we win a pennant. Is his life really gonna fall apart if Boston actually beats us? So he has to endure some ribbing from the haters who don't even follow baseball and just like to be contrary.
Rivera: Well, it is fun to torture Mike.
Jeter: True dat, Mo.
Torre: Now you guys get it. Okay, so let the Red Sox score, but only one run. Then we’ll go into extra innings. Like 4 or 5 lonnnng extra innings.
Jeter: Heh-heh-heh.
Rivera: I can just picture Mike squirming now....