Make Mine Mike

"Girl Scout cookies on my ledge -- come and get ‘em!"

Takes about 5 seconds for these all-exchange-user e-mails to lure the cubicle critters away from their computers and caravan down to the corner office. Gathered together, people show restraint -- just one or two, thank you. But when no one’s lookin’, poof! Magic? No. Remember, matter is never created or destroyed, it’s converted into energy, or transferred into the partner’s fat ass by next week.

Each day the feeding ground is a new ledge location, the bait a new variety -- Tagalongs, Double Dutch Chocolate Chip, Low-fat Lemon Cookies... Everyone buy boxes and boxes but nobody wants to eat ‘em all. So they share, and then have enough of everyone else’s to make up for what they gave away. Actually, it’s kind of like a commune, a cookie kibbutz, if you will...

The thing that bugs me, though, isn’t the inevitable gluttony that comes every spring, it’s the fact that I haven’t seen a single Girl Scout selling these things. A cute wide-eyed tyke full of hopes and dreams telling us that we could help her troop go to Space Camp or whatever... who could resist? We’d all buy more than just a few boxes. It’d certainly be a more effective sales strategy than having their uncle or babysitter’s mother go around with the sign-up sheet. Reluctantly, I bought my Thin Mints from Ramon the copy guy.

I realize it’s hard in our society for kids to get around, go door to door like the old days, but things have gone too far. Perhaps the socialization of cookie-sharing is a good by-product of all this, but it turns my stomach to see that today, Girl Scouts are outsourcing their services, too.