Make Mine Mike

Weekend phone conversations between Michael and his sister, Julie

Friday, 5PM
Michael: Hello?
Julie: Hi, it’s me. What’s the plan for visiting Mom this weekend?
M: Well… none. I’m shooting that film.
J: All weekend?
M: Yeah, I told you that.
J: You did?
M: Months ago.
J: So we’re not seeing Mom this weekend.
M: You can if you want to.
J: Uh-huh…
M: Sorry. But I went out of my way to make sure everyone in the family would be cool before I even committed to doing this film.
J: I forgot.
M: Just taking one weekend without hanging out with Mom.
J: That’s fine.
M: …or with you.
J: What?
M: Nothing. I was talking to someone here at the office.

Saturday, 11AM
M: Hey.
J: Hi, you’re not filming now, are you?
M: No, they’re still setting up.
J: So what are you doing?
M: Just in wardrobe, waiting.
J: For them to call “all actors on the set”?
M: Yup… Know what? I’m outside a private medical facility that has operating rooms in every building, and I’m standing here in a shirt covered with fake blood.
J: Cool. Anyone get freaked out?
M: Nah, it’s the weekend and no one’s around.
J: Oh, that sucks.
M: What are you doing?
J: I’m getting ready for a dinner party I’m having tonight. I just put it together. You can come if you want. It’s at 8 o’clock…
M: Thanks, but I doubt we’ll be done in time. If things change…
J: Yeah, lemme know. Mitch is gonna be there and Michele and Dina and---
M: Oh, wait -- someone finally saw me.
J: Was he freaked out?
M: It was one of the other actors. We never met, but I guess he figured it out. He walked past, saw the bloody shirt and said, “You must be Mike.”

Saturday, 7:45PM
M: What’s up? Aren’t your dinner guests gonna be there soon?
J: I have so much food.
M: Oh, we just wrapped shooting today.
J: So, do you wanna come over?
M: I can’t. Bags -- the director -- he’s taking us out to eat here.
J: Hey, I remember Bags. He’s cool. He’s welcome to come, too.
M: Well, he wants to eat up here. And with traffic, we’re still an hour and half out of LA.
J: Oh, okay…
M: Sorry. Thanks again.
J: I have so much food.

Sunday, 2PM
M: What’s the matter?!
J: Nothing.
M: You called me three times.
J: Oh yeah, well, I tried your cell, and then you didn’t answer, so I figured you were filming.
M: We were.
J: So I tried again a little later. Then I thought maybe you were home already, so I’d try you there.
M: Nah, we’re still on location. Besides, I never answer my home phone.
J: I know. That’s why I called your cell again.
M: So everything’s okay.
J: Oh, yeah, Mom, everyone, they’re fine. I just saw this license plate that said “F CASTRO” and thought the driver liked Cuba or something, but then saw all these anti-Communist, pro-American bumper stickers and realized the “F” didn’t exactly stand for “Fidel”.
M: Uh-huh.
J: And that made me think of Dad.
M: Oh…
J: So that’s why I called.
M: Okay.
J: Remember how Dad would always go off on a tirade about Castro?
M: Yeah… Yeah, actually, I just wrote about that.
J: On your blog thingie?
M: Yup.
J: You’re still not gonna tell me the website.
M: Nope.

Sunday, 7PM
M: What’s up?
J: There’s no power in my building. They said it won’t be on ‘til late tonight.
M: That sucks.
J: I don’t know what to do. What did people do before electricity?
M: Light a candle and read a book.
J: I’ve been doing that for the last 2 hours.
M: Go for a walk.
J: There’s construction going on all over my neighborhood. That’s why the power went out in the first place.
M: Go see a movie.
J: Oh, that’s a good idea. I just hate missing all my Sunday night shows.
M: I’ll tape “The Simpsons” and “Arrested Development” for you.
J: Will you tape “Desperate Housewives” too? And “Charmed”?
M: Can’t believe you watch that stupid show.
J: “Desperate Housewives” isn’t stupid.

Sunday, 7:05PM
M: Yes?
J: I locked myself out.
M: Again?
J: I was going to see a movie, and I usually leave my keys on a hook by the door, but they’re in a bowl, and I forgot ‘em, just as I stepped out and the door locked behind me.
M: Is that what happened the other 3 times?
J: Yeah.
M: And still no one else has a key.
J: Just you. And a locksmith would take forever to get here.
M: Y’know, I just got home.
J: I’ll take a cab over to your place and get the keys from you.
M: No, no, I’ll drive over to you.
J: But you’re tired. You were filming all day.
M: It’s okay. A cab would be way too much money.
J: I don’t mind.
M: But I do.
J: Why?
M: ‘Cause if you come over here, you’re gonna wanna hang out and make me watch “Charmed” and “Desperate Housewives”.
J: Can we?
M: I’ll drive to you.
J: Okay, okay… Thanks, Mikey.
M: Y’know, I almost made it all weekend without having to drive anywhere.
J: Sorry…
M: …or see you.
J: What?
M: Nothing. I’m on my way.