Friday, July 08, 2005

My License to Ill has been revoked. Just gotta remember: Check Your Head and if necessary, practice Ill Communication or it's gonna be Hello Nasty all over again. Yeahhh!

Anyway, you may have read different accounts about the blogger meeting in San Francisco last weekend, but this b-boy's up and at 'em, ready to lay down the real story:


Well, the day started innocently enough, watching swimmers in wet suits freestyling beneath the Golden Gate... oddly they weren't the craziest people I saw that afternoon.

Leese spent the whole time showing me interior decorating samples for her new house while her kids were stabbing the table with forks. Neil was on the same page -- he asked me my opinion of fertilizer compounds and their effects on lawn weeds while his daughter used her fork to stab me in the eye.

All this talk about crabgrass got Varla going on her love of snails, and before I fell asleep with bubbly drool coming out of my mouth, I tried to be polite but honest. And that's when Aimee chimed in:

"Michael, you said, 'Sorry guys, but none of these things interest me.' But what you meant to say was, '...none of these things interests me.' See the difference?"

Confused, I turned to Varla, but she was guzzling her beer and staring at a woman in white pants.

Aimee said, "'None' is your subject noun, not 'things'. 'None' is singular, so therefore the corresponding verb..."

My attention was diverted to little red-headed Emily who had climbed up into my lap. "Mommy said you had pink eye. Can I see?" And she preceded to try to gouge out my remaining good orb, the one without a food utensil embedded in it.

Finally, I leaped up, ran out and jumped in the water with the other crazy swimmers. But I went in the opposite direction -- past the Fisherman Wharf boats toward Alcatraz Island. Seemed safer out there.


Okay, okay, I'll have the real real story up later...


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