Make Mine Mike

NASDAQety-Yak

Phone conversation around the turn of the 21st Century...

Mike: (groggy) Hello?
Mike's Dad: Did you know that Yahoo is up one and a half points?!
M: Wha--?
D: Hey, Mr. Financial Planner. Good afternoon.
M: Dad, it's not even 7 in the morning.
D: Yeah, sure, out there in California, ya bum. The New York Stock Exchange's been open for almost a half hour. And Yahoo has gone up one and a half points.
M: We don't own any stock in Yahoo.
D: I know. Imagine if we did.
M: Uh-huh...
D: And Zymogen is up to 34 already...
M: "Zymogen"?
D: And look at this -- AMDL is up one and a quarter.
M: What's AMDL?
D: I don't know. But it's up. We shoulda bought that.
M: Right. How's our stock doing?
D: Haven't gotten there yet. ASM, up three-eighths... ATC, down a half... AVI...
M: Dad--
D: AXM… AXS…
M: Dad!
D: What?
M: What are you doing?!
D: I'm watching MSNBC... the ticker tape at the bottom... BEAero, down one...
M: Dad, you could look it up on the computer...
D: Hold on, be patient... BFC... we'll be there soon. BSD... What's our stock's symbol again?
M: WTF.
D: Really?
M: No, it's YXL.
D: Oh, I missed it when the Y's came by earlier. Did I tell you Yahoo is up one and a half points?
M: No, really? How's Zymogen doing?
D: I'll let you know. We're on the C's now. CCC, down one-eighth... CDC, up a half... this is kind of hypnotic…CIM…

Mike puts the phone down, goes to the bathroom, washes up, fixes something to eat... Comes back and his dad's still there...

D: WJ Com… WorldAir… actually, this is getting boring, watching the ticker tape go by.
M: Oh, really? That’s too bad. ‘Cause having you read it to me is fascinating.
D: Hold on, wiseass, we’re almost there... Here’s Yahoo again. Up two points now.
M: We should’ve bought that.
D: Yeah, we should have.
M: Or Zymogen. How’s that doing?
D: We’re not there yet.
M: I don’t care. I just like the name… “Zymogen”…
D: Y’know, Yahoo -- the company -- they’re not even doing well right now. They reported losses their last fiscal quarter, but they’re up.
M: Up two points, last I heard.
D: That’s what’s wrong with playing the market. I tell you, Mike, at the racetrack, a horse could be a nag, a real stiff. But let’s say it won its last race, so everyone makes it the favorite, even though the crowd doesn’t recognize that the horse may have gone up in class, from maiden to claiming, so it’s facing a tougher field. Then when it loses, everyone who bet on it is screwed. But with the market, you can have a shitty company hyped beyond its true value, and it doesn’t matter. Those assholes on Wall Street are just -- oh, here we go... YXL...
M: Uh huh…
D: Unch.
M: What?
D: It says “unch”. What the fuck is “unch”?
M: Unchanged, Dad. It didn’t go up or down.
D: Ahh, shit. Okay, let’s wait for it go around again… ZebraT… Zila…
M: Dad…
D: Wait, here comes your Zymogen…
M: No, Dad -- do me a favor. Sell our stocks. Take the money and go to the track, okay? Put it all on a good trifecta.
D: Really?
M: Yeah. I’m going back to bed.