Make Mine Mike

When I left for work this morning, Rocky the Rodent was outside my place, staring at me from less than 10 feet away. I was gonna shoot the little shit -- but since I don’t have a gun, I went for my camera -- and he started to advance on me. I assure you he wasn’t posing for a close-up. It was more like a squirrelly scouting mission: “Hey, that dude’s eyeballs look like yummy acorns, but I wonder, how do they taste?”

I had to assert dominance, shouting and stomping like a spastic semicolon until he retreated back behind a branch. That’s when I snapped off this photo.

Yeah, I know you’ll be back, you buck-toothed bushy-tailed bastard. So will I. And I’m trading in my 4 megapixels for a six-shooter.

Then when I came home last night, I noticed this giant spectacular spider web over my car. Actually, I’ve noticed it before, but only in the evening. You can barely see it during the daytime. The sunlight hides the strands, and its homeowner hides so it won’t be a meal for the doves and sparrows. But at night, it’s quite the sight, sparkling from the light over my carport which also attracts the bugs that flitter between the trees.

I couldn’t seem to capture the webbing with my camera, but there’s the eight-legged arrogant arthropod, sitting in the middle of the net, waiting for its next meal. Like Snyder outside my door, I tolerated this moth trap ‘cause I figured it'd cut down on the insect population.

I was right, ‘cause in the last month, that arachnid's tripled in size. And last night, its devious multi-eyes seemed to be checking me out: "Hey, that dude's ear looks like a good place for me to lay my eggs."

Motherfucking nature. I'm getting tag-teamed here.