Make Mine Mike

It's about time people started speaking out against cartoons. They've always been offensive -- not just the political ones in Danish newspapers, but the daily strips we have here in the U.S. You just need to open your eyes.

Here's a few examples:

Marmaduke: That uppity pooch taking the guy's couch is really a thinly veiled allegory for Zionism in the Middle East. See, the Israelis are the dog and the sofa is the West Bank, and the dude is supposed to be the Palestinians... c'mon, it's obvious! Is it any coincidence that a Dane did that controversial cartoon about Islam, and Marmaduke is... a Great Dane?!

Speaking of comic strip pets, you think Garfield is just a lazy fat tabby cat? We're talking Communist China, people! Garfield has bloated to over a billion citizens, and without any individual incentive, it's no wonder he hates Mondays. Jon, his goofy ineffective owner is the Maoist doctrine that tries to keep the people in line, while lasagna is the temptation of a free-market society. Oh, and Odie, the lovable peaceful dog who's always taking Garfield's abuse? Ever hear of Tibet?! Free Odie!

Dilbert isn't a commentary on corporate politics; it's an indictment of Hinduism. That's the third largest religion, and if you study it closely, you'll see a direct correlation between Dilbert, Dogbert, Catbert and the Hindu trinity of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. I'm onto you Scott Adams. Just hope I don't tell the whole subcontinent about you and your blasphemous curly-tied office drone.


I can go on and on.

Popeye: the Navy's involvement in the war on drugs (what do you think spinach really is?) and perhaps an argument for gays in the military. (What straight guy would go for scrawny whiny Olive Oyl, anyway?)

Even my own works. Click on the "Dry Inks" heading on my sidebar, and you'll get a listing of dozens of doodles clearly designed to be a metaphor, insulting the beliefs of the Amish people. Yeah, that's right. What are they gonna do about it? They're not supposed to be using computers anyway. Hell, they're not even allowed to have zippers, let alone zip drives. Dost thou got a problem widdat, Jebediah?!

In any case, I'm imploring you: Join the fanatics. Get your panties in a bunch! And ban cartoons! They're evil!