Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Doc: We'll get your blood work back and your cholesterol will be slightly high and I'm gonna wanna prescribe some medication and you're gonna say, no drugs, let me get back in shape on my own first and then we'll run some tests.

Me: Nice script. Who's the writer in this room?

Doc: Supposedly you. But I remember this scenario from last year.

Me: Well, not this year.

Doc: Why's that?

Me: 'Cause I won't be on this insurance plan anymore. I got one final week under my old job's PPO. Why do you think I came in?

Doc: Not my scintillating conversational skills?

Me: Close. It's those Good Housekeeping magazines in your waiting room.

Doc: Okay, well, it looks like you need a hepatitis boost.

Me: Bullshit. You guys already gave me hep A and B and then a boost for each one... and Blue Cross doesn't cover vaccinations for adults. Ninety bucks a pop. That's 360 dollars you stuck me with... literally.

Doc: Well, B requires two boosters.

Me: Sonofabitch.

Doc: Roll up your sleeve.

Me: Do I really need this?

Doc: You planning to be sexually active in the future?

Me: Planning on it... whether it comes to fruition is a different story.

Doc: So there you go.

Me: Pam Anderson's not part of the plan.

Doc: Let's go, you pussy.

Me: Fine. Ow.

Doc: And it says here you haven't had a tetanus boost since 2000.

Me: So?

Doc: You should get one every five years.

Me: That prostate exam wasn't enough sadism for you, eh?

Doc: Are you that chickenshit of needles?

Me: It's not the shot... I'm gonna be aching all day. I come to your office healthy and leave feeling like shit.

Doc: Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Me: Doc, you make me sick.


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