Make Mine Mike

3 things I don’t do:

1. Flake. When we make plans, you can count on me showing up. I won’t call you a few hours beforehand, or the night before -- or even days earlier -- to say I can’t make it. No matter how tired I’m feeling, and especially if other social engagements come up. I’ll ink you into my calendar… so don’t make me ink you on my shitlist.

2. Put up with passive-aggressive bullshit. Case in point: My landlord sent me an official “remit payment or forfeit the premises” document when I was four days late with the rent. I called to talk to him -- I’ve been there for years, why the cold bureaucracy? He knows me, knows I always pay, and on time. Maybe I was sick or something. Why not just call me? And he blew me off: “Well, that’s how I handle these things.” I’m sure he’s creating a paper trail to try to evict me so he can get someone new to pay three-times as much. So I stopped being easy-going about the repairs. And after several months of him failing to fix the hot water pressure in my apartment despite multiple requests, I sent him a letter about it. I even addressed his complaints about having to spend money on the plumbing system, reminding him of his responsibilities as landlord, and copied the city and county, the health dept., etc. He went ballistic, but after he was done blowing his top, he agreed to fix the plumbing this week. Still, he was “pissed off”, couldn’t believe I wrote that letter. “Well,” I told him, “that’s how you wanted to handle these things.”

3. Attack you personally. If we’re arguing about something -- politics, money, who took the last cookie -- I keep the conversation on that topic. Yeah, I probably know your personal vulnerabilities, exactly how to hurt your feelings, but I won’t go there… unless you go there first… and then watch out, you ugly stupid motherfucker.

But hey, that’s just me.