Make Mine Mike

What are all these scars on my hands, you ask?

Well, the curved cut on my right pointer was from when I punched through a burning windshield to rescue a two-year-old blind orphan--and his puppy--before the SUV exploded. Fighting off that Calabasas mafia henchman's attempt at strangulation by garote left me with the laceration on my left thumb. And the burn mark on the two knuckles? Small price to pay for defending the Earth from the Magma Men from the planet Mercury.

Okay, actually the first one was when my glass coffee pot shattered while cleaning it. The laceration came when my can opener broke halfway through opening a new can of Don Francisco Italian Roast, so I desperately tried to rip the lid off. And last week, I accidentally spilled boiling hot espresso on myself.

I know -- my caffeine addiction has ruined my career as a hand model, but it's energized my typing fingers and flights of fancy.