Make Mine Mike

Pluto: It’s not fair, I tell you! Why should I get demoted?

Earth: Nothing personal. You’re just not a planet anymore.

Pluto: Sez you. Why do you get to decide?

Neptune: Because he’s the only one with intelligent life.

Mercury: “Intelligent” life. Haha.

Mars: And hey, you still haven’t checked me thoroughly. Maybe there's life in the ice crystals beneath my --

Mercury: Yeah, right. Your Martians have been due on Maple Street forever now…

Mars: And we’ll probe your ass one of these days, too, you sun-huggin’ little-- Wait a minute. I thought you were on my side in this debate.

Mercury: (shrug) I’m Mercury, bitch.

Earth: Look, we’re all on the same team. Pluto, you’re still part of the solar system, okay?

Pluto: Along with a bunch of new nobodies you’ll barely ever mention.

Neptune: This is hard on all of us, too, y’know. My Very Educated Mother won’t be Just Sending Us anymore Noodle Pudding or Nine Pizzas.

Pluto: Pfft. You can still have Nachos.

Mercury: Ooh, Nachos.

Pluto: This sucks, you guys. You know how cold and lonely I get out here? And now I’m even kept out of the mnemonic device.

Jupiter: Sorry, dude. But I got moons bigger than you.

Saturn: Me, too. No one’s calling my satellite Titan a planet, now, are they?

Pluto: Oh, that’s perfect, coming from two big bloated bullies.

Mercury: Yeah! Why don’t you wring Saturn’s neck, haha!

Pluto: Shut up, Mercury!

Venus: Don’t listen to that hot-head, darling. It’s okay, baby. Come to Venus.

Pluto: I wish I could.

Earth: That’s just the point, Pluto. Gotta obey the laws of physics. And it’s not so much your size -- which is why big moons aren’t planets -- but the fact that you don’t clear your orbit around the sun.

Pluto: Hey, I got a path over 240 times longer than yours. By the time my New Year’s rolls around, I’m too exhausted to sing that “Auld Lang Syne” crap.

Neptune: Hey, next time you overlap my path again, I’ll sing it for you. How’s that?

Pluto: Don’t condescend to me. Bad enough you say I used to be one of your moons.

Neptune: Well, you and my Triton have a lot in common. You should give her a call sometime.

Pluto: I’m not a moon!

Neptune: We know, pal. You’re considered a dwarf planet.

Mercury: Aww, look at these two. They’re like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me. Haha.

Pluto: Oh great. Dwarf jokes. Can’t you just call me, like, a little planet or something? I’m gonna be the laughing stock of the Milky Way.

Earth: No you won’t, Pluto. No matter what you’re called…

Venus: Yes, darling, that role’s already been taken.

Pluto: By who?

Neptune: Check out the other side of me.

Pluto: Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.

Mercury: Haha.

Uranus: Why is everyone looking at me? Oh… Screw you guys! Real mature.