Make Mine Mike

We just had our final staff meeting at work, which is mostly a tedious session of everyone saying “I love this job! You guys are great!” in hopes that they’ll get hired back for the next season.

I was nervous. Not regarding my moment to sum up my challenges on our dating reality show -- writing jokes about ass that have a little class and creating witticisms about titticisms. That was nothing. I got no problem speaking in public about matters that are pubic. (Yeah, I got loads of ‘em.) I was more concerned about the end of the meeting. That’s when we’d screen the gag reel.

I spent the past week worrying about the finding all the funny clips from the various production shoots from the entire season. Then how I’d compile them in an organized way. And don’t forget to maintain levity with the brevity.

This was definitely more stressful than my actual job. We still have our normal schedule of episodes to put together, not to mention putting the final touches on ones that are being prepped to air this weekend.

But I was running around, working late with an assistant editor, grilling the producers on which shoot had the set collapse during filming. Where was that clip with the girl’s skirt blowing up, revealing she was wearing no underwear? Should we also include the guy dropping his pants to show off his why-would-anyone-do-that-to-themselves piercing, which I’ve unfortunately learned is called a “Jacob’s Ladder”?

We opted “no” on that last one. Didn’t want to make everyone sick to their stomachs.

I had butterflies in my stomach during the screening. My unifying theme (life lessons learned from working on our show) seemed to tie it all together nicely -- people even chuckled at the somewhat obscure “Rule #4: Fortunately for penguins, they’re too expensive for dumb muscleheads.” Trust me, it’s funny if you saw the clip.

Once that got a laugh, it was home free. I knew everyone would like the inside jokes of the last rule: “Never forget your friends”, a collection of shots from the field in which the contestants of the show gave a shout out to the production staff. One dorky guy insisted that his mother doesn’t dress him, Gene the Post Producer does. The grand finale was the Executive Producer’s name written across one contestant’s big bobbling siliconed breasts. If you think that’s unrefined, well, don’t blame me. I didn’t film it. I only suggested adding the church bells sound effect.

So, my first post-production at our network was a big success. People have been complimenting the editor and me all day. I appreciate the kudos, but I’m just glad it’s over with, so I can relax.

Now I just have my regular job to do.