Make Mine Mike

5 more hockey-related thoughts, inspired by Tuesday's Kings game:

1. The night before the Staples Center had a Lakers game. I find it amazing they can turn an entire arena from a basketball court to an ice rink in one day. It takes me a month to clear the crap off my desk.

2. We sat in the very last row. I've also sat all the way up in front. It honestly doesn't make any difference. You can enjoy the action from anywhere. Up front, you have a better chance of getting hit by the puck... or a tooth knocked out by a high-sticking.

3. Wow, the Detroit Redwings made the LA Kings look really bad. Clumsy skating, sloppy passing... that wasn't hockey, it was schlocky. My friend Epoch called them The Bad News Kings. Then he said, "Hey, they oughta remake that movie." They did, I said. "No, I mean with hockey players." Like Slapshot? "No," he said, "with kids." You mean like The Mighty Ducks? "Oh yeah," Epoch said, deflated. That's when I suggested they start more sports teams after Disney movies. Like, the Rancho Cucamonga Escape to Witch Mountain.

4. Speaking of movies, I enjoyed the films of the Kings in action. They didn't display them on the jumbotron, but on the ice itself. There was something cool about a silver screen you can skate on. Or yell at the Zamboni driver: "Down in front!"

5. I searched the Center for the Westside Rentals Guy, but didn't see him. After the game, he was outside, dancing up a storm in the middle of Figueroa Street. Maybe he got kicked out by the Kings' lame mascot, Bailey the Lion. Epoch and I thought Rental Man was reminiscent of Homer Simpson, going on as the warm-up mascot before the Capital City Goofball. The hockey fans that got the most attention were three curvy girls who appeared on the jumbotron wearing shirts that said "Put", "It", "In". Hey, it got more cheers than that stupid lion. Mmm... double entendre.