Make Mine Mike

At one of our happy hour haunts, my fiancée Adelphia & I were having another nice night together. Not sure if the people around us could say the same thing.

We wound up sharing an area with a group of girls who were discussing guys. We tried not to eavesdrop, but overheard enough to tell it was the usual gossip about how men are dogs, blah blah blah. A very girlie conversation, I thought, as true as it may be. Guys talk about the same subject only from a completely different perspective.

Like when Russell from my old job was telling me about some of the work parties the network had before I started there. How he got drunk and made out with some older woman named Heather who worked on another show.

Anyway, he never called her after that, and if he ran into her around work, she seemed friendly enough, like she didn’t care.

Then one night he went out to Busby’s Sports Bar. It was Valentine’s Day. Russell and Eskie, another guy from work, had the very crafty idea to hang out that particular evening. They could put the moves on single women who were determined not to sit home and mope because they didn’t have a date. And who knows? Maybe these ladies were hoping to meet the man of their dreams on Valentine’s Day… In other words, they might be ready for a little lovin’ from Russell & Eskie -- Two Wild and Crazy Guys.

Russell said he saw Heather, who said hi to him. And she was getting even friendlier with Eskie, which was perfect, because the woman brought her friend from work, Ana, a young cute hottie who seemed very interested in Russell. The two couples were hitting it off.

Then all of sudden, Eskie decided he wasn’t feeling well and had to bail. Now Russell didn’t have his wing-man. Heather had no distraction. Russell thought that Eskie had in essence, cock-blocked him with the young hottie Ana.

Ana lived nearby, she said, and asked Russell to walk her home. Heather came along too.

So he was heading back to the girl’s apartment with two women. Was Heather there to chaperone? Or did Russell think he had a chance to fulfill every guy’s ultimate three-way fantasy?

“I had no idea what to expect,” Russell said. Back at Busby’s Bar, Heather and Ana had gone to the ladies’ room together. Heather had had her chance to tell her friend about mashing lips with Russell. It didn’t seem to be a problem. Everybody was upbeat, even flirty. “I was just gonna go with the flow and see what happened.” But, oh, the possibilities…

Then, just as they were getting close to Ana’s place, Heather said, “Oh, did I ever tell you? Russell made out with me at the holiday party. Then he never called me again.”

And that was that. The hottie turned cold toward Russell and the two women left him high and dry.

“The timing was impeccable,” Russell said. “Here I was thinking Eskie inadvertently cock-blocked me, but in fact, Heather waited all night to deliberately cock-block me!”

I laughed along with him, but then he saw me just looking pensive about the whole thing.

“What?” Russell thought I was passing judgment or something. I wasn’t.

“I was just thinking,” I said. “I’m just glad to be out of that dating world. But I almost – almost – miss the awesome, crazy stories you single guys get to tell.”