Make Mine Mike

My fiancee's a teacher, constantly dealing with unruly students. So my recent stories about getting in trouble in my younger days were of particular interest to her. But I soon realized Adelphia didn't encourage these tales because she needed to understand the mischievous male mind any better... she just liked hearing about what a rotten kid I was.

When my mother was around, she told Adelphia about all the times she was called down to the Principal's office because of me. A bit of an exaggeration, but Mom reminded me of how I had to sit at the end of my bed for a month every day after school as punishment... for failing gym. Yes, I failed gym. No, not because I couldn't do a sit-up or got pummeled by the dodge-ball too often. It was because I supposedly fooled around too much. So what if I would take the chalk powder we used in gymnastics and turn my classmates into white ghosts? Or if I rolled up another kid in the gym mat? He thought it was funny too. In fact, it was supposed to be my turn to become a human burrito before the jerk-o gym teacher blew the whistle on us.

And then there was the time I had that pen. Mom casually mentioned it, but didn't say much more and I had nearly forgotten that incident. I must've been about five or six, I don't remember exactly, but I remember the pen -- it was one of those novelty pens where you turn it upside down and the ink bikini runs out, revealing a naked lady.

"Where'd you get that?" Adelphia said.

"My dad's office, after going with him to work one day."

"You stole it?"

"No, I think someone there let me have it. Maybe not, I don't know, I just thought it was pretty cool, that's all..."

"What happened?"

"It was no big deal," I said. Adelphia just kept looking at me. She wouldn't let this go. I shrugged. "I brought it into school for show-and-tell. So what? It certainly made kindergarten more interesting."