Make Mine Mike

Had a job interview today. Eh, whatever. The human resources lady obviously needed resources 'cause she definitely lacked humanity.

I'm waiting to hear from a better-but-still-corporate gig.

And then there's the interview I had last week that I didn't get. Boo friggin' hoo.

Big impersonal building. Ditzy office manager. As she'd stammer, she kept complaining of brain freezes, like she can normally describe the job articulately.

Judging from the stack of papers practically obscuring my view across her desk, I imagine these brain freezes came often enough to classify her head as an arctic region.

But amidst the clutter, there was a jar of jellybeans on her desk. Ooh, jelly beans.

At first I told myself not to stare at the sweets. Make eye contact with Ms. Frostbitten Cerebrum, not the delicious jar of candy.

But as the old lady babbled, I couldn't help but drop hints.

"Yes, I understand that you don't have any of the latest software packages, but who needs them when all you need is a good jar of jelly beans..."

She smiled but didn't follow my train of thought are those red ones strawberry? and continued or raspberry? to ramble on maybe they're cherry about the boring gig. If I came on board, I'd spend all my time trying to create some order in this chaotic hell-hole. In other words, I didn't want this job.

But you know what I did want. Gimme some sugar, woman!

She said, "Do you need your parking validated?"

"I need jelly beans" I said.

I didn't care about etiquette. I'd pay for parking, but I wanted something from this stupid interview. She told me to help myself. I dug in and grabbed a big handful.

Mmm, jelly beans... The red ones were cinnamon.

Best interview ever.