Make Mine Mike

Hours til wedding: 51
Hours til rehearsal dinner: 28
Hours til relatives congregate at our house for a get-to-know you BBQ: 4

I'm fairly confident everything will go well. Just in case, I try to imagine the worst case scenarios. Earthquake? Flash flood? Plague of locusts? Zombie apocalypse? Not a problem.

But here's a short list of things I pray don't happen... again:

1. A relative disappearing for two days because they got wasted and somehow wound up passed out in a stranger's car outside another stranger's house in Rancho Cucamonga, wherever that is.
2. Adelphia and her mother fighting.
3. Adelphia and her sister fighting.
4. Adelphia, her mother and her sister fighting.
5. Pseudo-psychoanalysis, unsolicited advice, or any conversation that begins, "Mikey, I've known you your whole life and you know what your problem is?"