Make Mine Mike

Last weekend, I got to go do a press junket for Tropic Thunder, which meant interviewing Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Nick Nolte and others. I suppose I'm name-dropping here, but honestly, the best part of the whole experience is the free food they offer at the Four Seasons, and the most exciting celebrity encounter was in the hotel lobby afterwards when I said hi to LL Cool J.

And besides, most actors aren't as much fun to talk to as my fiancee, who went with me to the press screening.

Adelphia: I think you liked that movie more than me.

Michael: You woulda liked it more if George Clooney was in it.

A: Or if a woman was in it. Were there any women in that movie?

M: Ben Stiller's wife has a brief cameo.

A: And that's it. That's kind of offensive.

M: You find that offensive? Robert Downey Jr. plays an Australian actor playing an African-American soldier playing a Vietnamese rice farmer. But the no-women thing is what bothers you.

A: Yes. Why couldn't there be a woman in the movie?

M: They're spoofing Vietnam war flicks. There were barely any women in Platoon. Or Apocalypse Now. But there was one in Full Metal Jacket.

A: I never saw that movie.

M: Oh, but the woman had the most memorable line in it.

A: "I'll have what she's having"?

M: Not quite. But you know it.

A: I do?

M: You say it to me all the time.

A: I do?

M: Well, no, but you think it.

A: What are you talking about?

M: "Oh, me so horny! Me love you long time!"