Make Mine Mike

Behold Makeminemikeum lethargicus, better known as the Great White Vacationing Blogger.

Native to New York, this ornery creature has managed to survive in the harsh climate of Santa Monica. But it has also been spotted in exotic ecosystems such as La Quinta, California, near Palm Springs. There, the animal's pace is much slower, slathering its blindingly reflective skin with a protective coat of chemicals in the 101-degree desert to avoid self-immolation.

It is known as an avid swimmer, but more accurately, an eager pool lounger. The creature enjoys sharing chlorinated bodies of water with frolicking children, but has yet to learn to adapt to more difficult species. Namely, chatty divorcees complaining loudly about paying taxes on their huge alimony payments, which ironically provide for their expensive jaunts into the luxurious environment, and interrupt others' much-needed getaway.

Occasionally, the Blogger achieves his desired tranquility, thanks to an inner tube, wife's flotation noodle, and many, many cocktails.